On Mother’s Day, Branding, and Choosing to Be Seen Differently

A reflection on identity, motherhood, and why I’m focusing on choosing reputation over brand.

May 15, 2025

My husband’s been traveling all week for work, so honestly it’s a miracle this is getting out on time… but we did it!!

I always write these on Wednesday nights. It’s how I’ve always preferred to do it—not spending days trying to come up with a witty title or overthinking the theme. I just carve out a couple of quiet hours, crawl into bed with my laptop, and reflect on what’s come up lately for me. It’s honestly kind of therapeutic.

And funny enough, where that reflection led me this time was an Adam Grant clip I’d seen just a few hours earlier.

He said:

“I don’t want to have a brand.
When people tell me I said something ‘on brand,’ I feel like I’ve been typecast or I’m losing my authenticity.
What I want is a reputation.
I don’t want to be a shiny product packaged with a bunch of slogans.
I want to be known for a set of values.
One of those values is original thinking and rethinking—
and that means I should even disagree with my own ideas.
You don’t do that by maintaining a brand.
You do that by living your values.”

I’d sent that clip to a few people - but when I sat down to write tonight, I just couldn’t stop thinking about it.

And I realized why it resonates so deeply with me:

Untangling your true reputation from your “brand” is really hard.
Especially when you don’t even realize you’ve created one.

For most of my professional life, I’ve come to realize I was working pretty meticulously to build a brand. Not in a fake way, but in the way so many of us do when we’re climbing the ladder or trying to prove we belong.

Post the adorable kids. Share the clean corner of your home. Let your coworkers know you’re online and responsive. Be busy, but grateful. Be ambitious, but grounded. Be relatable, but impressive.

For me, that looked like showing the world I was a proud mom of two adorable boys, still crushing it at work (still speaking on panels, still traveling), still sharing those honest-but-encouraging takes about the juggle, the chaos, the career. I was still me… but I was also “packaging it”. And delivering it online to everyone - even those who honestly didn’t ask for it.

I felt very proud of who I was - but if I’m being honest, I was also very pleased with the “brand” I had created. In other words: who people saw me to be.

As I was reflecting on that clip and this last week I realized - for the first time in five years - that I didn’t post a single thing on Mother’s Day.

And this is why that’s significant.

Two years ago, I would’ve had the pre-planned carousel ready. The caption written. Something polished. Something “on brand.”

This year, we took a spontaneous drive to the coast with the boys. We walked on the beach, ate cheese and crackers at a little roadside creamery. We had a backyard BBQ. I didn’t even wear makeup. I took a bunch of pictures - but I texted them to family and smiled at them later that night. No post. No caption. Just lived it. And it was perfect.

Now, I really want to be clear- this isn’t to shame anyone for posting. I absolutely love seeing the photos of everyone’s kids. Truly. This isn’t about that.

This is about me - and the shift I’ve felt since leaving corporate. A shift that has started to trickle into my personal life in really good ways.

Because when I look back on who I was then… when both work and life felt like a production - I can see how much of my identity was wrapped up in being seen. And letting go of that version of myself, that brand - was actually really scary.

Who am I if I scale back to “part-time” consulting, after 15 years of showing only upward promotions?

Who am I to my friends if I discuss mid-week adventures, when my whole message used to be “finding fulfillment as a mom while working a busy full-time job”?

What does it say if I’m not making a big paycheck (even though none of my friends ever knew what I made anyway??)?

But when I finally let myself ask: What do I actually want?
I was able to let it go. Really let it go.

If I stopped caring what everyone thought and answered these questions with full honesty:

What kind of schedule would I actually want?
How much time would feel like enough time with my kids?
How much money would I really need to feel secure?
Would I care about the job title if no one else saw it?
Would I still work the same way… if no one was watching?

These are the kinds of questions so many parents I speak to through Both& are asking right now - some for the very first time.

So maybe I’ll leave you with a few to sit with yourself:

What actually matters to me and my family?
What does success look like if no one is seeing it?
Who am I building this life for—really?
If I’m not thinking of myself as a product or a brand… does my current reputation reflect what I value most?

If your answers are pointing you in a new direction—maybe toward an adjustment to your current role for more autonomy, a shift into something completely new, or just a temporary break—I hope you find a story here that reminds you you’re not alone.

And this week, we have a great one.

Featured Story: Amy’s Shift From Hospital Social Work to Values-Aligned Entrepreneurship

Amy spent years working in a hospital setting as a full-time case manager. She loved her field—but after becoming a mom, she knew the structure she was working within no longer fit the life she wanted.

She didn’t leap immediately. She eased into per diem work, gave herself space to figure out what felt right, and slowly began building something new—first a private therapy practice, then a coaching and consulting business called Waves of Becoming.

It wasn’t easy. There was imposter syndrome. Financial fear. The challenge of finding identity outside of a traditional title. But she trusted herself—and followed what felt aligned.

“I realized I didn’t have to squeeze myself into a job description that didn’t quite fit. I could create something of my own—something rooted in my values, my rhythm, and the kind of life I wanted to build.”

Her story reminds us all that:

You can both stay connected to your profession and redefine your role within it.
You can both feel fear in the leap and do it anyway.
You can both be present for your family and build something deeply purposeful.

🔗 Read Amy’s full story here

Friends & Fam: This Week’s Picks

You know I love gathering the links, headlines, and quiet gems that are getting me through the week—or making me stop and think. Here’s what I saved for you:

For Anyone Tired of the “She Just Opted Out” Narrative:
🔗 What if women aren’t opting out—but burning out? — This powerful piece by Paige Connell reframes the workforce conversation entirely. Instead of assuming women are stepping back by choice, she asks: what if they’re simply reacting to unsustainable conditions? From mental load to policy failures, she lays out what’s really driving the “opt out” trend—and why it’s time we stop pretending this is just about preference. I love Paige and her work, and I absolutely love this take. Subscribe to her Substack to read her take.

For Anyone Wondering Why Part-Time Work Still Comes with a Penalty:
🔗 Millennial Parents Are Losing Ground at Work—America Could Fix That — I have been TUNED into the concept of part-time work in any format I can learn more. Allie Kelly breaks down how America’s labor system punishes part-time workers—especially moms—with fewer protections, lower pay, and limited access to benefits. It’s a must-read for anyone trying to scale back without sacrificing everything. Countries like the Netherlands already figured this out. We could too.

For the One Who Once Highlighted “Lean In” and Now Feels… Conflicted:
🔗 Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams — This new memoir is making waves, not just for its behind-the-scenes look at Facebook, but for how it challenges the once-untouchable narrative around Sheryl Sandberg and Lean In culture. It’s not just a takedown—it’s a reckoning with the ways corporate feminism often asked women to adapt to broken systems instead of changing them. I’ve been listening this week and rethinking a lot about the rise (and recalibration) of what “success” for women in leadership is supposed to look like. Let me know if you give it a read or listen.

And remember:

You don’t need a brand. You just need alignment.
Sometimes the most fulfillment doesn’t come from being seen by others—
but from seeing your own life clearly, through your own lens.

See you next Thursday,
Kaleana